A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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