Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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