The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
