also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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