I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
