where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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