I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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