I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wish my penis had a tongue
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
