why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I am morally bankrupt
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
