Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
