The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
