I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize