After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
