The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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