They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How external is "for external use only"?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
