I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
