i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
