thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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