Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
