I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
