What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
