I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
