I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
