I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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