I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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