A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize