the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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