hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
