The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
