yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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