Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
