I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
