i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
