If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
