Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Randomize
