Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
