Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
