i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she told me i tasted like america
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
