my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't think brook has ever known best
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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