She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
