i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
