Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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