Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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