you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize