i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
