I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
