I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
