yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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