worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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