anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
