Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
