I swear god or herbie drove my car home
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
