a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
