Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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