you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
