I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
