You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
