dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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