Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
and you fell through a lawn chair
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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