I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
