I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
