Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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