VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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