Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
