Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
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