he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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