I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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