I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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