Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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