party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
