theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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