can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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