Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize