Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Green mimosas i think yes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
