What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
this boner is exhausting
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
