Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
