My girlfriend figured out who you are.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
