I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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