I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
