Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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