he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
