I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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