Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
