I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
