I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
