Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This can only be settled by a dance off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
