do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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