I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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