dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The air taste purple.
Randomize
