i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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