ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
