remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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