She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
