Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
