My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize