I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
