I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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