I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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