That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
please come you make the beer taste better
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
