Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
