Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
