Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
