He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
