That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize