I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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