Please, let me fuck your mom
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
