literally had 100 drinks last night.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
