Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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