My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize