soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
