I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
