I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
