Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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