You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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